I’m back

I recently encountered a post on Facebook where one of my blogger friends stated she had come home to Blogging. I investigated and found that I could sign in to this web site. This has not been the case in my other two blogs, one an old AOL blog that was shuffled off to Blogger when AOL dumped that platform and my original Blogger site Just a Hippie Gypsy. I believe it has something to do with my husband somehow taking over the google sign in and he can not remember his pass word.

Anyway, I have missed it. Unlike Facebook, it offers a sense of anonymity. I hate it on FB when someone I know somehow finds a political comment I have made and then challenges it. I abhor being chastised over my beliefs. Fuck them. And I also care quite a bit about them, my friends. I have recently stopped resisting Twitter and began using my account name, wonderfully Alphawoman!, so once again i am cloaked in the veil of anonymity.

So I am returning here to voice my outrage, my frustration, my silly events of minutiae that make up my life.

I checked, its been about three years since I have posted. My mother was very ill and dying. Our family was taking care of her with the help of a live in caretaker, who was a pill and we clashed something fierce but she was good for my Mom.

Since then my Mom has passed away, I have moved to Florida the home of the retired and elderly and the place where Baby Boomers are coming to die. And much to my chagrin, a very red state.

I have joined the resistance here as much as I can. I send post cards to my reps in both states, Indiana and Florida because I am uncertain as to where I will be voting come 2018 but it will definitely be voting out (or trying to  at the least) Marco Rubio or Todd Young. And most naturally work on fighting DT and everything he stands for.

I have to  acknowledge maybe not everything, but since I began becoming aware of his rise into prominence in summer of 2015 I have resisted his agenda of hatred, separation, elitism, misogynist attitudes, a bully, his treatment of women as objects, and his stupid vocabulary! I just despise him. Maybe he does have some good ideas, the only one so far I agree with is my Healthcare cost too much. Way too much.

And so I am back. I will more than likely make this a diary of sorts recording my efforts at saving the United States of America with my post card campaigns along with  my telephoning campaigns. At times screaming into the voice mail boxes of the leadership in Washington…for example I left a message with Todd Young that I would fight with every bone in my body and every last dollar in my wallet to see him defeated for his vote to usher in the new EPA Secretary who will destroy this world all in the name of Big Business and cronyism. And occasionally showing up to add my voice to the growing groundswell of unrest and demand for justice for all Americans.

I did attend the  Women’s March on Washington and it inspired my to attend several local events in the area.

I will end with this.

It is a despicable state and glaring microcosm of who is in charge in Washington when you watch that disrespectful man saunter down the stairs of the AF1 and not once glancing at his wife to ensure her safety or to offer her an arm or to open the door for her or even to instruct the SS to come to her aid. No, he just ignored her and though they were out of sight for the camera, it appeared he entered the vehicle and closed the door on her. She walked around to the other side of the car and that was when the video ended.

As our fearless orange bag of hot air would say…..SAD.

 

 

 

 

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Friday Morning

Yesterday I had an appointment to interview with the State Fair people or the people who hire for the state fair. I was to be there at 2pm and advised to arrive 15 minutes early.

Typical…..it stormed the day before and the power went out in the house or at least in the bedroom the digital clock was flashing the hour and minutes which was incorrect. I did not know that the clock in the living room or family room was incorrect and I adjusted the bedroom clock with the wrong time. I must have been off by 15 minutes.

When I left the house – wearing make up for God’s sake!! – It was 125 according to the bedroom clock.

My car clock said 144p

My cell phone said 137pm

Rats! Foiled again.

So I just drove around for awhile and parked in the Village 8 movie house parking lot and played Candy Crush for awhile until I was out of lives. I then drove around looking for a place to eat. I ate two of the Little Debbie caramel chocolate covered cookies (OMG – like a soggy twix!) looking for an Asian Buffet (my fav) only to end up at Burger King and less a quarter tank of gas.

I guess I will call Cracker Barrel and resume employment there for awhile.

Mom is worse and the trip to the Lake House is being cancelled. I am expected to put a real diaper on her when she sleeps and do some new and just and horrifying treatment to her extended bladder. I will just do it and not think about it. Take a nerve pill, they seem to help.

Eileen and Bill to visit this week-end.

Shakespeare in the park tomorrow night.

 

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Visiting Old Friends

I found ACTS OF GOD at the Jeff library in a little section known as Short Stories! It occupies two tiny shelves at the back of the fiction area. I don’t think I have ever noticed before an area dedicated to short stories before! But then again, they have their large paperback section separated from the fiction also which is where I find my Kate Morten books – and they are in no particular order, God forbid alphabetical!

I adore Ellen Gilchrist and this is her first book in eight years. In one of the stories a group comes together in the London Airport while there is a bomb threat and we are delighted (at least I am!) to find one of Hand girls in the first class lobby. Ah, Anna, my favorite character though her time in Ellen’s prose was way too short, is of course mentioned numerous times by an old boyfriend.

At one point Anna’s niece reflects on meeting old friends, it is like finding a much beloved shirt in your wardrobe and trying it on finds it still fits and one wonders why they stopped wearing the blouse…..happy and content to have it once again.

That is Acts of God – an old friend come to visit.

I must reread some of her books. The Anna Papers was one of my fav’s.

 

 

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ANGEL OF DEATH

Sunday was just awful. My brother requested a cherry pie for his birthday present and I obliged but it was dropped on the way to he car and the glass pie plate shattered. Not thinking straight, I began to clean it up from the drive way and trying to hold back the tears when the dog came up beside me and I glimpsed what  I thought to be a piece of glass among the mouthful of cherry pie and crust!

Sunday night is my turn in the week to spend the night with my Mom and tend to her. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in October but never took the biopsy tests for definite results/answers. As she is 86, she just wanted to go home and die. Eight months ago and her heath is going down down. Pretty soon she will not be able to walk. She may or may not have ovarian cancer, but she does have an advancing tumor in her abdomen area that resembles a basketball size at this stage. She is in constant pain from a variety of ailments and old age.

She is ready to die.

So I left the dog in Joe’s care and he took him to the emergency animal hospital way out on the Outer Loop and I headed to Mom crying the entire way.

I have not had a good cry in some time and as bad as the day was unfurling, it felt enormously satisfying to cry. I was crying for my financial situation (have zip at this point in the month and going to overdraw at the bank with the payment for the emergency care), the crumbling of my marriage in the face of retirement, my alcoholic husband which is the reason for the marriage going south lately with so much time on his hands and so much beer to consume, my mother, my daughter who is a drug addict and I am paying for the treatment and it was the major cause of my financial situation, and I am certain there are many other nagging emotions that caused the dam breaking.

$190 later the X ray reveled no glass or at least they could not find it. Joe gave Jax way too much mineral oil and the poor dog was in agony all night with the shits and Joe could not sleep either.

Then Mom’s next door neighbor, age 70, dies unexpectedly. Her husband left her taking a nap – I believe she had just had some minor surgery resulting a a raging headache, and when he returned she was gone.

My brother, the one who will now not have a cherry pie for his birthday and I were sitting in the living room when I heard the fire truck, the ambulance, the first responders all in our yard and next door. I ignored it while we talked and then when I looked I realized something was tremendously wrong outside!

Paul, one of the neighbors from down the street was crying surrounded by a tight group of new neighbors who just moved into Fag’s house across the street (Fag,his nickname from highschool) had passed away recently and his house taken over by relatives. Anyway, Rachel was dead.

When I was putting Mom to bed and the inevitable 230 wake up to change her and clean her, change her night gown and rub her painful joints with $30 pain reliever cream she recited her most recent prayer “Lord please take me” and I maybe unintentionally saying it out loud but thinking it all day long, “I think the Angel of Death got the wrong house”

Such a long sad day. 

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Judging a book by its cover

I made a trip to my favorite place in the world….the library! The whole world at your fingertips. I have been checking out the recommended books from 2013 and 2012. I am not certain how I arrived at this selection method, but I found my last batch was a dud. I believe I read one of the books and nixed the rest. 

The best method is to just go down an aisle and pick out anything that looks interesting and then reading the synopsis of the plot and checking out the first page. So I have a stacks randomly chosen from the downtown branch.

So that is my life anymore, avoiding life by disappearing into a book. Its not easy as I married a man who does not read! So he does not understand when I excuse myself from the infernal TV and head to the bedroom with a good book for some quality absorption and removal.

Being retired is a difficult transition. It is like a week end every day. And on a fixed income it is difficult to not give in and spend everyday eating out, going to movies, buying alcohol. I love being retired, but I believe I will find some gainful employment and my liver will thank me. And we will not mention my pocketbook!

 

 

 

 

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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what’s for lunch?

I recently read in a Prevention magazine of all incredible things, if you could do it what would you be doing? and I thought…write. The next line….do it 20 minutes every day.

OK that was weeks ago and I decided that if I must sneak into the living room to do it by God I will do it.

I fee I am in the downside of life. Sliding down the last good years of my life. My mother is dying and could pass away any moment from a multitude of ailments, Anyway I am glad that I have found this outlet. I do not want to write on my blog, my forgotten and tossed away blog that I occasionally toss a bone of an entry but not often, not much.

I want that to be different now. I am not in a good place and it will help me to figure things out by writing. As always, writing.

Stay tuned.

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Getting My Hands Dirty

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How long has it been? The last time I put my hands into some soil must have been spring of 2009 as I weeded my rose  garden in Indiana preparing to move yet again to a remote part of Kentucky. The lilac bush I had planted the year before was in bloom, the roses were doing well and the tulips had come and gone leaving me with a feeling as stripped and spent as their bare stalks, testaments to what once was and what shall rise again.

I was not going to go another summer without some fresh home grown by me tomatoes. And some eggplant and peppers thrown in. I have to find another area for the butternut, yellow and zucchini squash I love. The local Home Depot did not have these plants available so I will have to seek out a feed store. Lucky me.

Truly, lucky me.

I am also looking for a confederate jasmine plant.

My herbs sit waiting also. Sweet basil, peppermint (gotta have mint juleps, baby!) parsley some patchouli if I can find it.

The sun on my back, my hands filthy as I shunned gardening gloves this time around, my mind emptying of all the recent worries, traumas and dilemmas the day presented replaced by a humming of my soul, a melody that is ever present on the edges of my conscious, shoved to the last locked attic of my being let out only in times like this day, when it is calm and peaceful and stress has packed her bags.

 

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